Even typing that title reminded me that with such epic organisations, the degree of fuckwittery would be of epic proportions.
And so it is with Southwark Council’s “Council Tax Single Person Discount Review” letter which threatens to withdraw the discount if you don’t reply within 14 days.
“We are using an external agency to assist us, which will include checking data from other sources and reviewing details of credit applications made at your address.”
OK, so it’s more jobs for the boys and more cost to the council tax payers.
But you can’t fill in a form online to declare that yes, it is still just you. Likewise a telephone number. No, you have to fill in the form and post it back.
Capita have chosen not to include a reply envelope to do that. Not even one that needs a stamp. Not even a blank one. The reason?
“The Council hasn’t paid us to send out envelopes or stamps.”
So I asked what would happen if I sent them their form in an envelope without a stamp?
“Oh it won’t even be delivered to us and your reduction will go.”
That line was delivered in a really sneery voice too by the ‘helpful’ Customer Service agent on the telephone when I rang them.
So yes, more of the usual bollocks delivered by an overpriced external agency to an unfit for purpose Council. No surprises there, then.
I was supposed to have been running the 40th Berlin Marathon: having been with GT for the London, Paris and Venice Marathons, I’d decided if she was running Berlin and I’d be there anyway, maybe I should run it. How hard could it be? {cough}
So after a few false starts with pulled calf muscles, I started training a little more seriously back in the summer, running a couple of 5ks a week and upping it slightly to a 10k with no apparent problem … apart from a shooting pain in my right knee the moment I started off. Ah…
I’d tried to overcome this in the wrong way: taking Ibuprofen orally and directly to the knee, but I knew that was the wrong thing to do long-term so I got referred privately to a renowned expert on knee surgery/conditions who confirmed patellofemoral dysfunction and early arthropathy (which explained the confirmed crepitus I’d noticed in the knee as well). After several weeks physiotherapy and taking up cycling – 20 miles a week currently on Saturdays when I’m home – it’s improving but I can’t start training properly until the New Year.
Despite being sidelined, I took a long weekend with GT, booking a €400-a-night room at the excellent Hotel Adlon Kempinski right next to the Brandenburg Gate. Or, as I found out the week we were going, two rooms. Oops! Luckily, they were kind enough to cancel the room without charge after a couple of phone calls. Phew!
We flew out to Berlin and settled right in to the truly luxurious hotel, with a quick wander about around the Brandenburger Tor and an hour’s ride around Berlin in a horse-drawn carriage which was quite romantic (and extensively photographed), then back to an epic Thai meal in one of the many restaurants at the hotel: fabulous food but horrendously expensive!
Saturday and after the most opulent five course breakfast with champagne, it was off by underground to a disused airport to get running chips and numbers – very badly organised compared to Paris and particularly London – before wandering around to find a lovely restaurant where we ate oysters, mains and cheese with lots of wine before heading back for an early-ish night.
Up at 5.45am on the Sunday as the hotel had laid on a special breakfast just for the marathon guests, then back up for final prep before joining a group of other runners in the lobby and the short walk to the start. GT had previously got so close to breaking the four hour barrier she was hitting that everyone was saying this could be the one due to PBs on all her recent runs, but she was getting fed up with the pressure from friends and was just going to go for the run rather than the time. Saying she didn’t really like marathons, this would be her 11th and last, she said.
After GT started off I walked off to find the underground as I was heading off to the Spreepark to taken some urbex shots of the deserted theme park during the four hours I’d have to myself. Despite the 6km walk to and around the park, I couldn’t find any easy way in that didn’t have too many onlookers nearby. Ah well. I was joined by a little old biddy who followed me around chatting away in German. I speak very little German… Then back onto the train to get back for the finish. The official marathon app was only suggesting she’d started but on the train I logged into the full website and found that GT was on for a sub-four time so it was a rush to get back to the finish line in time. I managed – just – as she’d not just beaten 4:00:00 – she’d smashed it! 3:49:06!
So it turns out this means a GFA: “good for age” which means an automatic entry into the London Marathon in 2015. Oh and as I still intend to run Berlin next year, GT said it would be rude not to run that. Oh and she’s planning a girl’s weekend in New York with her mates so they can all run the New York Marathon. And on Tuesday after we’d got back and the post-marathon blues kicked in, she’s booked Edinburgh (as have I just for a practice…).
Back to the hotel for a bath and then off to get wine, walking past other finishers who all looked at GT relaxed, cleaned up and wearing her finishers’ medal just as they’d only just finished the event! A bit of a crap Italian meal before bed.
Monday saw us walking around down to the Topography of Terror, the Berlin Wall and Checkpoint Charlie before getting a taxi back to the airport and home.
Abstract HeadsRose-Tinted SpectatingBrandenburg Gate with our Hotel AdlonSpreeparkHaunted House at SpreeparkBerlin Wall3:49:062013 Berlin Marathon MedalTopography of TerrorHolocaust MemorialHorse-Drawn Carriage RideBrandenburger Tor
There’s a bit of a hoo-ha about holding the 2022 World Cup in Qatar at the moment.
It seems that people have just realised that with the World Cup taking place in the summer months (North of the Equator, anyway), it might be a little warm in the desert at that time. Nothing like forward thinking … and this is nothing like forward thinking (or any thinking at all, come to think of it).
Now I thought I’d read somewhere that to counter this potential issue, the stadium designs included some clever technology to air condition the stadia to reduce temperatures down to a more acceptable level for the footballers and spectators.
But then for the MotoGP, the bike racers simply raced at night when it was less hot.
FIFA don’t know what to do: they can’t postpone the World Cup until the winter months as that would play havoc with domestic championships and upset UEFA in terms of European competitions too.
So maybe it wasn’t such a good call to go to Qatar. But now they have chosen that location, maybe it’s time to tell the players to “man up, bitch!”
There’s a bit of a hoo-ha about holding the 2022 World Cup in Qatar at the moment.
It seems that people have just realised that with the World Cup taking place in the summer months (North of the Equator, anyway), it might be a little warm in the desert at that time. Nothing like forward thinking … and this is nothing like forward thinking (or any thinking at all, come to think of it).
Now I thought I’d read somewhere that to counter this potential issue, the stadium designs included some clever technology to air condition the stadia to reduce temperatures down to a more acceptable level for the footballers and spectators.
But then for the MotoGP, the bike racers simply raced at night when it was less hot.
FIFA don’t know what to do: they can’t postpone the World Cup until the winter months as that would play havoc with domestic championships and upset UEFA in terms of European competitions too.
So maybe it wasn’t such a good call to go to Qatar. But now they have chosen that location, maybe it’s time to tell the players to “man up, bitch!”
The other day I was “making good progress” and was stopped by a Suffolk Constabulary PC who gave me a fixed penalty for the offence. We won’t even go to the whole “speed kills” bollocks (even the PC said my driving was exemplary but over the limit).
I was pleased that they’ve moved with the times and allow you to make online payments … or so I thought.
The Payment Slip part of the Fixed Penalty Notice has a “Ticket Number” (as do the other two parts you’re given) and there’s a “Payment Methods” box which includes a 24/7 automated payment 0300 line and a link to http://penaltynotice.direct.gov.uk
So off I went. The first step was to fill in the “Notice Number” box, so I entered the eight digit ticket number there … and got an error message saying “Invalid format for notice number”. The website doesn’t give any guidance – clickable or otherwise – as to what a valid format would be for the notice number. I tried losing the leading two zeros to no avail. Nothing.
So I rang the payment line and was given the message to enter the sixteen digit notice number. What? What sixteen digit notice number?
Eventually I was connected to an operator who told me that the “Notice Number” is actually the combination of the following:
three digit “Force Code”
two digit “Notice Type”
single digit “Source Code”
eight digit “Ticket Number”
two digit “Penalty Code”
Well how could I have been so stupid as to not know this? It’s obvious, isn’t it? So obvious that nowhere on the Fixed Penalty Notice does it tell you what the “Notice Number” is, nor how to work out what it is. So obvious that the website they point you towards doesn’t tell you what it is. And so obvious that the automated telephone line doesn’t tell you either. Or is it the usual Government ineptitude?
How to win friends and influence people … or how to lose your best customers.
My debit card is shortly to run out of validity. I hadn’t received my new one so I rang them the other day to ask where it was.
“Don’t worry,” they said, “they’re usually sent out a fortnight or so before the old one runs out.”
I thought that was fine and I’ve been checking my mail since then. Tonight, however, I get in and there’s a letter from Lloyds TSB dated 13th September – but only received today, 19th – saying that:
“We wanted to tell you that your new Lloyds TSB card is at [my designated branch]. So when you have a chance, please drop in and pick it up…”
Now my branch is a 350 mile round trip away from where I live.
I haven’t been in to that branch for over 20 years.
What sort of fuckwittery leads them to think that I would “have a chance” to “drop in and pick it up”? What’s wrong with simply sending me the card in the usual way?
So I tried to ring them, but no, all their telephone numbers appear to have a fault on the line. Maybe the telephone bills were paid by the TSB part that they’ve just hived off? Maybe the sale of a chunk of the Government’s stake has meant they’re a bit short of cash to pay the bills right now?
So I’m now left with the likelihood that when I’m abroad next week, my present card will run out and I’ll be unable access my money due to their utter incompetence. And they expect me to keep my money in their accounts? Yeah right… Maybe after 36 years with Lloyds, it’s time to find a bank that knows its arse from its elbow.
I’ve been so busy and every time I sat down to update, something else would come up, so …
On the Friday afternoon after the last update I rode up to Silverstone for Kevin Ash’s memorial lap which was a fitting tribute.
I’m on the black bike with the video camera on my helmet
Saturday and I thought I should do some more cycling: I’ve injured my knee in my training for the Berlin Marathon and had to call it off for this year on the advice of my Consultant, though I’ll still be there to support GT. So off I went for another quick explore along the Thames Path, South and North: 11 and a bit miles in all. Great fun.
Iced Tea stop at Greenwich
The following Saturday saw the start of the new football season. Jack and I have now moved seats to a more central location – which meant paying full adult season ticket rates for him as well as me – from where we watched Norwich get a draw against Everton.
The View From…
The following week saw loads of hard work and travelling between offices, interspersed with blood tests and seeing my Consultant and Physiotherapist – with whom I’m so comfortable, I started undressing whilst she was still in the cubicle talking to me. And an after-work meal with colleagues at the Folly. We found out the next day that my colleague from Colchester fell asleep on the train home and ended up in Ipswich. No trains back so he had to wait until after 1.00am for an airport coach which dropped him off in Colchester at 2.00am but the other side from the station so he had to walk through Colchester at kicking out time, stopped off for a kebab en route and got in at 3.00am. He’d forgotten we were out for the evening so had only sent a text to his wife at the last minute…
The following weekend ended on the Bank Holiday with my upping my pushbike mileage to 20 miles as I continued past Greenwich – and the obligatory stop for an iced tea – and on to Woolwich where I caught the ferry across for the first time since the late 80s. Nothing’s changed. Saturday had been off to GT’s for the evening and some shopping the next day: some killer heels from Kurt Geiger.
Cutty Sark at GreenwichUrbexThames Barrier
A shorter work week – with more doctor’s visits – ending with Club Antichrist on the Friday night with Alix. Great fun! Home at a reasonable time, though, as I was off to Norfolk again the following day.
And the small matter of a 20 mile pushbike ride on the Sunday morning down to Hampton Court, following GT as she’s training hard for the Berlin Marathon. Mad woman!
Oh and talking of leather, I ordered a gas mask and a bespoke ladies’ white leather straitjacket, which will both probably find use in one or both of these locations:
PassageDeserted
One evening that week, walking home from work, I came across the London Air Ambulance landed on Potters Field by Tower Bridge as a cyclist had been squished. I happened to take a quick iPhone shot of the landing site pausing only to try to set it up as best I could and then I uploaded the image to Instagram. That night, a local news site picked up on it and asked if they could use the credited photo on their site, which they did. The next morning it was picked up by ITV News and used on their site with credit (eventually). And the London Air Ambulance themselves picked up on it and asked me if they could use it for their promotional stuff. I was happy to licence it to them and indeed made a bigger version for them as the original would be too small for print:
London Air Ambulance at Tower Bridge
That week, I also heard that I would be heading off to Canada for a week in October and another trip there in December, both for work.
And we’re almost up to date! Last week started off with a hospital appointment for some 18 burns to be applied to my face… It improved significantly with an impromptu gig – Kings of Leon at the Roundhouse courtesy of the iTunes Festival. A great gig!
Kings of Leon
Saturday was spent relaxing … and another 20.7 mile ride on the pushbike which I’d fitted with a new gel MTB seat. This appears to have made only a slight difference: at 17 miles when I have a load of cobbled streets to ride over, my arse still hurts! But at least today there were some random Morris Dancers out:
So I’ve covered the Sprint GT’s first service over on its own blog – I just need to start giving it the berries a bit more (although its trip computer must be over-reading…).
I also received a letter about my stepmother’s estate which was a piece of pleasant news and well timed, given I’m planning to buy a house or maybe even my apartment which may soon be up for sale.
Due to a change of plans, I had Saturday free so I decided to get the pushbike out to go for a little spin: maybe 5 or 6 miles on the advice of my Consultant Knee Surgeon and my physiotherapist at the excellent London Bridge Hospital. 11.4 miles later and I’d had a great time, keeping the cadence up and not putting too much effort through the knee. Same thing next week, I think.
GT popped over in the evening, meeting me for dinner at the O2 where we were then due to see Iron Maiden play. An excellent gig! Then over to Waterloo to say goodnight and back home to the apartment.
Up at a reasonable time on Sunday to head up to Norfolk for lunch with the ‘kids’ which was made more difficult by the completely inept road closure arrangements for the Prudential Ride London: every main road out of London to the East was closed despite the official sites claiming they’d be open earlier.
Monday saw more check-ups and blood tests – all fine – and a nice, long phone call as arranged the week before from Humberside Police to explain, as expected and agreed, that they wouldn’t be pressing charges against the psycho ex for her theft and disposal of some of my stuff (“intention to permanently deprive”), but only because it wouldn’t be in the public interest to waste taxpayers’ money on a prosecution: there was the passage of time caused by them, sadly, which they accepted was the case and they knew she would never admit guilt – she never does – and accept a caution, so the options were a full trial or nothing and the thefts were, as I told them, insignificant (I’ve long since replaced the stolen goods with better quality, newer things … a bit like I did with her, I suppose). They suggested I start a private prosecution, which is always an option, but I can’t be arsed to waste any more time on her.
But the good news is that they’ve now got the proof of what she’s really like: a liar and a thief. So that’s the end of that: maybe she’ll stop stalking me one day too?
Complaints can be made either in person at a police station, generally to an Inspector though in exceptional circumstances they can be recorded by a sergeant, or by way of letter, e-mail, fax, telephone or via an outside agency.
If you wish to make a complaint please complete the complaint form. [Link]
That “Link” hyperlink takes you to this Word document and on page 4 of that document it says:
Where to send this formÂ
For your complaint to be dealt with more quickly please send this form directly to:
The only problem with that is that the Professional Standards Branch’s e-mail address doesn’t exist:
Delivery has failed to these recipients or groups:
Professional.Standards@humberside.pnn.police.uk
The email address that you entered couldn’t be found. Check the address and try resending the message. If the problem continues, please contact your helpdesk.
What an excellent way of reducing complaints: bounce them back!
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