This is the incredible story of one woman’s battle to get compensation for being a clumsy twat and then blaming everyone else for her falling over.

Singlehandedly, she’s also managing to set back the image of women in dangerous occupations: maybe people are thinking that if poor, delicate women might sprain an ankle or break off a false fingernail, they’ll now start suing the real victims so they should be protected from harm .. by keeping them away from ‘men’s work’.

Well done PC Kelly Jones (already being referred to by the Daily Heil as “WPC Kelly Jones” to draw that distinction).

And what about the public? Now it’s not just a case of wondering whether it’s worth reporting crimes at all – the Metropolitan Police never actually bothered to come and have a look at the crime scenes either time when my motorbikes were stolen – but also whether they’ll be sued by some stupid bitch who’s not looking where she’s going and falls over. Way to go!

I think we’re far better off without her sort: she should be suspended without pay until she can be booted out. She’s in hiding – according to the Daily Heil – so I hope that she’s not being paid whilst she’s not available for work. Mind you, that probably means someone else won’t be on the receiving end of an ambulance chasing letter sent to the real victim.

And what’s that? Oh it’s another bit of respect for the police force heading out of the door (no doubt on its way to make another ridiculous claim).